Last day of the year

10:30 am. Rising at last. Indulged in major "rest" today to combat this cold, and I believe I've dodged the miserable fevered beginnings of the cold. Now it is just sinus and fatigue, and some sneezing and coughing, but I feel pretty good. Decaf coffee with Silk, then plenty of plain green tea.

Spent most of the day in Bug's room, reading and listening to Dharma teacher and Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. (That's Bug "resting" on his couch.) Reading about food, nutrition and exercise. Thinking about how it is relatively easy to make a list of new routines to blend into my days/weeks and how difficult (and guilt-ridden) it can be to fail to get the routines in place. One thing that is different for me today is being able to let go of hard-fast changes and instead to give myself the whole year to work on changes. It is productive for me to work change in achievable amounts, and opening up the schedule allows that, but it also helps the planning to be joyful rather than dreary.

A very strong desire for the coming year is to work on reading my Dharma books collection. The photo shows my Buddhist bookshelf (the shelves on right), of which I've managed to read close to one shelf's books in the last two years. I've developed such satisfying understanding and practices from reading that the desire to absorb the remaining books is now a deep yearning. Reading is not a straight-forward activity, it has all kinds of requirements and quirks. I've been fortunate and I'm grateful for how this has worked out.

11:45 am. I spoke with my sister, June, today. Even though she has chronic back pain she always makes that personal connection when we speak that is unique to brother and sister. I wore her out a bit but I'm so glad to speak with her, especially lately.

1:00 pm. Continued with a few chores this afternoon. Reordered vitamins and set out my week's worth, which together actually takes about 45 minutes to complete. Continued to convert audio cassettes into MP3 files for storage and listening on convenient systems. (I have RocketFM on my PC which lets me broadcast the PC's audio to any/all FM radios in the house. And I can make CDs from the PCs, too. Our son, Gray, gave mom his old iPod at xmas, and I'm thinking about borrowing it to listen to Dharma talks while going for walks. I've been fortunate lately in finding many such talks on cassette recordings at local used book stores.) Cleaned out all the semi-important-looking junk mail that I usually toss to the side of the desk, shredding much that I don't want to place in the trash as is. That took a while too. Went through my clothes closet and put together 3 big bags of clothes to donate. Took them down to the local Gaia bin, farewell my old sneakers...


6:30 pm. Uh oh. That didn't work out very well. Gaia seems to not be what I thought. I Googled it while writing the above and found googles of complaint and bad mojo about the organization. I just got back from driving over to the bins with the intent of pulling my bags out and taking them to the local Salvation Army. But when I got there there was a homeless person pacing around (this is a 7-11 parking lot) and his bicycle with trailer was parked by the bins. He stared at me and I stared back, and lost my nerve. I had thought on the drive over, what if police catch me pulling my bags out of the bin, but it didn't occur to me that a much more effective deterant would be waiting ("Hey, man, get outta there!!!"). I drove around a while, thought about my dilema, and came back to see if he'd left. Nope. But by then I had "let go" of the clothes. There's plenty more in the garage and other closets.

The problem with "good deeds" is trying to guarantee some benefit to others, trying to make sure your getting the most for your charity. But you never know what someone will do with the money you give: a panhandler asks for money for food and then gets high. What I've learned is that the greatest benefit is in cracking through my miserly grip on stuff, especially my sense of self-importance. The giving makes a better world, giving without the expectation of some reward -- although I'd still rather see the clothes directly help someone without clothes!

Cold, as in got one

Got my hair cut Thursday, and that always makes me feel less insolated from the weather. It was cold and windy that morning, too. In the afternoon, after Kim came home from work, we went for a walk through the neighborhood. I could feel the cold air mingling between my hairs. I thought, put your jacket hood up, but no it would be alright without (and less geeky). Besides, I'm saturated with vitamins and I feel very healthy this winter.

Here are some interesting mail-boxes on our walk...




As we got further up the hill, the wind seemed to get stronger and colder. Coming back down was very cold on my ears. And I had that little tickle in the back of my throat. In the morning I still thought nothing of it, but I was sneezing frequently. That happens sometimes when I am not coming down with a cold. It does. Friday evening I definitely had that feeling of slight burning and irritation in the back of my throat. I launched into my Cold Remedy. I believe I've averted the worst of it, but whenever I'm optomistic about my health I jinx it. It has felt very mild today, but definitely there. I scraped my errands plans and napped with a heating pad.

Got up in the early afternoon. Warm enough to take a shower and go shopping. Felt good to be active.

Stopped by the Drug Store and bought some cough drop and throat lozenges. And 12-hour Sudafed.

Wore my jacket hood while walking around.

Our kitchen already had most of the ingredients that I needed for tonights menu. I picked up small turkey breast filet. I roasted the turkey with chopped onions and some stock. I made brown rice with edamome and red bell peper and herbs de provence. And I made creamed spinach and broccoli, which was a first-time for me. Used soy milk, came out very good and tasty.

I treated myself to Breyers no-sugar-added ice cream and sugarless chocolate syrup. The milk will probably mess up my sinus. I've been drinking cup after cup of green tea all day, I need a little sweet treat thanks!

It's hard to photograph food and having it look appealing... at all. Feeling very sleepy and it's only 8:30 pm. A message from my body. I only seem to come down with something on the weekends. So stay warm and dry!

Amazing brain lightening

At the moment I cannot see clearly what is directly in front of me because of an unusual condition that's happened again. Let's see if I can describe it. If I close either eye the aberration still appears, so I know it is not my eyes but my brain (or mind). It looks like a horseshoe-on-its-side shape, but it is shimmery like Christmas-tree tinsel. In the area within the horseshoe shape I cannot see clearly what is there, although I can see enough to have an idea of what is there -- but if I try to read the text I'm typing while it is in that area I cannot see it, not like a blind spot but like a view through broken mirror glass. This oval crescent shape is expanding outward, slowly, and the right side of it is a normal view, not shimmery. The bottom edge is now nearly below my eyelid. Seems like it should have a physical feeling, but I feel nothing.

This all came about in the last 10 minutes. I was driving, but I didn't notice it until I returned home and glanced at the TV screen. I'm calling it "lightening" today because I recently bought a book about an autistic artist, by her mother, called "Exiting Nirvana", and it includes reproductions of several [I'm typing nearly blind at the moment] reproductions of the person's finely-detailed painted -- several include "pink lightening" which appear only in her mind's eye. I imagine this is similar.... It is nearly gone now, having expanded out of sight like a camera zooming closer and closer to an object. The center area within the arc is still a little fractured. I wonder if this is a migraine headache, or a mini stroke, or just a glitch? I've had these for several years, perhaps most of my life, about 2 to 3 times a year. My opthamologist asked to me to keep a record if it comes back, so here is that record.

I've come down with a very definite but mild cold since yesterday afternoon. I slept poorly last night, due to Kim waking me get me to stop snoring and to the general coldness in the house (62° f). Some emotional stress yesterday and last night. Dropped Kim at her work at 9am, went to ATM at bank, went to Starbucks for grande double-decaf soy latte. Short detour drive up toward Acalanes Ridge to check view of distant valley and hills. Came home and noticed vision weirdness. This photo is just outside of the Starbucks. News on TV, radio, and even in the newspaper stands: Saddam Hangs. I don't think that is why the vision thing came back.

The brain lightening is nearly gone now.

Let's get started here...

This is my very first blog entry. It is Friday night, December 29th, 2006. Those are my feet, in sneakers. Gee.

Finishing up a long year, this 2006. A number of famous people have died this week, including Saddam Hussein just hours ago. I've spent this last week setting out the areas I want to work for my growth in the coming year, and also spent time lazing about and taking it easy -- all with a reflective mind on where I've been, where I'm at, and where I wish to go.

Made and refreshed many acquaintances this year. Mostly we are on a first-name basis: Rod, Sue, Melanie and John, Sufi and Charles, Kay, Heather and John, Ravi, Judy, Tom and Vicky and Carrie, Owen and Tyler, Homer, Art, Ely, Linda and Barb and Cathy and Yvonne and Frannie and Maureen, Allie and John, Gene and Marilyn, Jeanie and Scott, Tom and Laurel, Thomas and John and Janet and Bethany, Brian, Rhys and Scott and Cyril, John and Jendayi, Hallie and Ron and Bridget, Richard and Ron, Tamar, David Pastor, Steven Weintrob, Carol Fetterman, and my street friends: Lynn, Elaine, the Keep-Things-Clean Guy, the Singing Guy (Andy Williams), the Mexican Folk Singer, and Bruno. Thank you for looking me in the eye and telling me the truth this year.


Kim and I went to The Cantina in Walnut Creek for lunch Wednesday, and in the Library parking lot across the street was this charming custom VW. What the photo does not show is the gorilla sitting in the passenger seat. Yes, there was a gorilla sitting in the passenger seat.

In June I went for refuge and officially became a Buddhist. I have been studying everyday for the last year and a half, and I have opened my eyes to a continuous stream of opportunities to practice. But I wish to bring my meditation practice into everyday. Working out my aims and goals for the year will have the wonderful step of dropping from the list those items that will not fit the schedule.

The Four Limitless Ones

May we be free of suffering and the root of suffering
May we find happiness and the root of happiness
May we never be separated from the great joy devoid of suffering
May we dwell in the great equanimity free from passion, aggression, and prejudice